whew (for now)
SCORE:
Me: 1 Treatment team: 0
or should that be
ED: 1 Treatment team: 0?
i’m too good of a liar. i waterloaded, pretended to have gained weight on vacation, pretended to be OK with it, pretended to be doing “so much better”. i told everyone “the cruise really showed me how much fun i’m missing out on because of the ED, i want to get over it, i want to enjoy life all the time and eat what i want! yippee”
so no PHP or residential for now :D
i know i need help though, i know i need more support, i know i’m pretty much failing at outpatient. i’m weighing myself daily, not eating lunch, using behaviours, secretly exercising, faking weight, lying in therapy, and hiding food. yup, i definitely need more treatment. I can see that. Why am I so resistant to getting help?
Because I don’t want my eating disorder taken away from me. it’s too important to me, it makes me ME. it makes me SPECIAL. i can’t give it up yet. will i ever be able to give it up? not if it means gaining weight. I can’t weigh more than 95 pounds, i just can’t.
